Milk Beard

When you have no job, there will be a point when you will be eating cereal and you will drip milk in your beard.  Your fingers will not be enough to sop it up.  Your tongue is not long or porous enough to get at it and will in fact act like a watercolor brush, creating avenues through which the milk will spread.  As you no longer take showers daily, the offending liquid will wreak havoc on the life you’re leading, discouraging kisses from you fiancée and wasting hours searching for trash smell.  Dandruff and milk flakes will coat the childhood t-shirts you wear and that you think separate you as an individual but actually broadcast your inability to think of yourself as an adult.  (Wear a collar).  Alas your beard will go unshorn, unwashed and unkempt, though suspicion should lead you to it, and small colonies of utter-based bacteria will congregate and reproduce for all eternity.