Bear Coat Invention

Live Bear Fur Coat, genetically engineered to live docilely as an outer garment. With hollow tubes for arms, you can slip right in and cozy on up. Just don’t forget the muzzle!

Ever get spray-paint on your fine fur things? Does it seem like everywhere you go, you’re getting blood thrown on you? Why not try a Bear Skin Coat, complete with live bear! Real organs pumping blood throughout the coat will keep you warm through the toughest winter and also give you a friend for company. When you’re in from the cold, just set the bear-coat on the ground and watch it pull itself around with its teeth! How adorable. These bear coats are also thick enough to keep you warm but not make you look fat.

Live bear coats. The answer to all the critics!

Bear Thoughts

Far away, many thousands of miles, there is the planet Mars.  It has bears on it much like the bears on Earth but these bears are as small and as numerous as Mackenzie’s sneezes.  Which is to say, they are very small and very numerous.  Mackenzie thinks that every time she sneezes a new bear pops into existence out there on Mars but I know that there are as many bears on mars as there ever was and ever will be.  They are immortal and should not be approached from behind.  Otherwise they will swarm like a plague and knaw your face through to your brains because that’s how the bears roll on Mars.  They ask questions later if you know what I mean.