The problem with throwing centerpiece fruit into the trees at your friends’ wedding reception is that it might get eaten by a horse. Who the hell knows what happens after that? Maybe the horse gets a stomachache and falls down dead. Maybe fruit loving hyenas catch the scent from Africa and attack your friend’s horse, who is now sweating citrus. Maybe a girl horse gets frightened by the bright colors and some well-meaning boyfriend horse sees the fear as a weakness and forces the other horse to eat the fruit as a means of overcoming her phobia thereby cementing what was once at most a wariness into a full blown experiential terror at the sight, smell or taste of papaya.
I don’t know about any of this; it’s all just possibilities. All I know is drop kicking a lemon is just about the worst way to not get your pants dirty.
